Tag Archives: love

Don’t Be a Nice Guy


Nice isn’t the nice word we were brought up to believe it is. Nice has developed over the years, at least in my mind, into an insult on par with being called a pitiful low-life chump. If you want to hurt my pride and wreck my self-confidence all you have to do is say, “What a nice guy you are.” Aside from the fact that this phrase permanently friend zones a hopeful young man courting a lovely lass, a nice guy is simply a person the so-called complimenter judges as having no discernable virtues other than a kind of generic bland niceness, or Vanilla Nice if you will. So please, don’t do that – to anybody, but especially to me. If a gentleman is handsome, smart, strong, etc. then he’ll be described as either handsome, smart, or strong by those who know him. But in a situation where an average guy with not a lot going for him is described with the sentiment, “Oh, well… he’s kinda nice and all.” Yeah, that’s the kiss of death for your ego right there. Buh-bye.

In a theological sense, Vanilla Nice is even more pernicious. I’m not being hyperbolic; It is a parasitic ideology disguised cleverly in a Christian skinsuit with the doctrinal label, love thy neighbor tattooed all over. Before your eyes roll all the way around your head please let me state my case. Nice is not – I repeat – is NOT synonymous with kindness. Kindness is a Christian virtue. In fact, it is a fruit of the Spirit. Find nice mentioned as a moral or ethical virtue in the Bible – I dare you. It’s not there; Not even in the HDPV – Hippy-Dippy Progressive Version. You might approximate niceness with smooth things in Isaiah 30:10 but even then, smooth things are not cast in a positive light. Unless you think prophesying illusions is ethical conduct. You may ask, “If these words aren’t interchangeable, then what makes them differ?” Let me explain. Nice is what you are to people when you want them to like, respect, or favor you in some way that will benefit your own ego or social standing. Heck, Nice is the middle name for almost every sociopath you meet. Vanilla Nice is self-interested by nature. It is a selfish, narcissistic impulse that utilizes flattery, good manners, charm, and eloquent speech, to gain the favor of individuals, groups, or voting blocks, to receive some societal, personal, professional, or ego-centric benefit.

Kindness, on the other hand, has keenly in mind the needs of others. Kindness seeks the welfare of your neighbor, the highest possible good for their physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. Kindness is rooted in truth. The consistent application of both law and gospel is showing kindness to our neighbors. Demonstrating that all sinners stand condemned before a righteous and holy God isn’t nice in the modern application of the term, but it is most certainly an act of kindness. It may make some angry, others sad, and yet others indifferent, but it is always compassionate to let your neighbor know he is about to walk right into the fire. Kindness is telling your neighbor to flee the wrath to come. It might be uncomfortable. The conversation might lean awkward, the silence may become deafening, and the tension may thicken like a rolling fog, but you can walk away knowing you have fulfilled the law and shown kindness in the most sincere manner possible. You may not gain social clout. You might be called a wet blanket and be disinvited from socialite hobnob functions but kindness cares not a whittle about such things. It is others minded, which is humility. Vanilla Nice is just too vanilla, too bland, too self-seeking to handle authentic biblical kindness. The imp of Vanilla Nice will not allow you to warn others of God’s judgment on sin and wrath toward sinners. It risks the friendships that provide you with benefits. Their eternal welfare is secondary to your status among peers, it risks the treasury of merits you have accumulated for yourself in the form of social capital.

This is not the ethic of the Christian committed to the way of Christ. Proverbs 27:6 says “faithful are the wounds of a friend.” What this means to me as your friend is, “Demonstrate your love for me, pierce my soul with truth that I may live!” It is not easy to forsake community for consecration. The path can be lonely. Scorn and vitriol will be flung at you from many directions. But let your heart be comforted in the knowledge that you have overcome the sinister subversion of Vanilla Nice, and have crossed the threshold into true biblical kindness. This fruit of the Spirit will bear fruit of its own – for fruit always reproduces after its own kind. You will find companions on the path to your celestial home. Some of them will be grateful brethren, who benefitted from the wounds of your kindness. So don’t be nice. Nice is not a virtue. Nice is not the standard for Christian behavior. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Eph 4:32)

The Truth About Love


Imagine if you will, a couple, a man and a woman, winding their way up a mountain trail together, hand-in-hand, doting on one another. The man spies an encroaching bear and jumps out in front of his wife, weapon in hand, and fights the bear off with all his might. He suffers wounds in the confrontation but successfully protects his wife from injury.

Later on down the road  the couple sets up camp for the night. The husband, worn down from the fight and hurting from the woulds he sustained falls into a fast, fitful sleep. The wife is dozing off when familiar growls in the distance startle her. She turns to wake her husband but sees him slumbering peacefully. She doesn’t want to interrupt his rest, raise his fear and anxiety level and force him to move his aching body in response to the lurking menace. After all, she reasons, the bear was probably only trying to play around with them in the first place, before her husband overreacted and caused it to become aggressive. The wife perceives no real threat and leaves her husband be and falls asleep at his side.

The description of what follows is too graphic for those with delicate sensitivities. Needless to say, the journey of the couple ends only moments later in a blur of blood and bone. Continue reading →

True Love


Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
    “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. (Luke 6:30-36 ESV)

Let’s break this meaty passage down and start with a well known verse.

And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

This phrase is commonly referred to as the golden Rule. It may surprise you to learn that Jesus is not the first person in history to express this sentiment. Many great philosophers and religious men of the past have said very similar things. Some would say that this universal sentiment sums up the heart of the Christian faith, but if it is commonly shared among other faith traditions how is it then a distinctly Christian doctrine? My answer would be to say that it is not at all the central doctrine of Christianity, and if some groups make it so, then they have strayed away from the simplicity of the gospel message. The good news isn’t that we should try to treat others with kindness. We are all sinners who will inevitably fail at this lofty goal. We need redemption from our lack of love toward God and men. God has provided this salvation by giving us his Son, Jesus Christ. Now that is good news! Continue reading →